Moira Wry  EPOV
by Twilight Eve
Summary: This is EPOV of my fan-fic Moira Wry   Edward Attacks Bella the first day they meet...please R
1. Chapters 1 through 7

This is **EPOV** of my fan-fic Moira Wry

This is fan-fic takes over after the first chapter of Twilight, First Sight. What if Edward was unable to control the monster in him? What would that mean for Bella, Edward and their future?

**Disclaimer. ** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer **  
WARNING: **There is direct text from Stephenie Meyers Twilight Saga**  
*It is not my intention to steal anything from Stephenie Meyer***

**Chapter 1: First Sight**

If you wish to read SM's EPOV (Midnight Sun) of First Sight you'll need to go here :

.

**Chapter 2: Phenomenon**

I didn't want to be a monster, but here I was preying on this innocent girl. Stalking and hunting her, like she was an animal, in my sick sport. I should have went to see Carlisle, I should have left, run away and never looked back, but the monster in me refused to go. I had refrained from killing her in the classroom at school, this was my other option, one of many choices I had ran through today. Follow her home, take pleasure in it there.

Could I stop, and if I could, would I? And did I even want to? The answer is obvious, No. Though I hated her, I knew my hatred was unjust. I knew that what I really hated was myself. And I would hate us both so much more when she was dead.

There she is, like a sitting duck, oblivious to the danger. Me, I'm the danger, and she has no idea. She's come home to an empty house, her father works full days, he wont be here for hours, and there are no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream … _which she would not_, no one would hear her. Her home was nestled up against thick woods, close and easy to get lost in. No one would ever know, they would never find her.

I don't want to be here, but I can not seem to leave. Why did she have to come? Why did she have to exist? Why did this aggravating human ever have to be born? She would ruin me. I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial because of her. But in a few moments, there would be nothing left, nothing that would reflect the years I'd spent doing just that. It would all be lost now, in the face of this monster.

I moved in closer now, too fast for her to see me. I have waited this long, I should just leave. But the scent is the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. The memory of her scent in my head, the taste of it still on the back of my tongue.

I was a predator. She was my prey.

There was nothing else in the world but that truth. Even as part of me shuddered away from the monster, another part was thrilling from it. The monster in my head smiled in anticipation. She was gathering her things, getting ready to get out of her truck. Her warm truck, where she had been basking in the flow from the heater. Accentuating her scent, with every rising degree.

I turned my face away from her, who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in? Hating her, hating how she made me feel -it helped a little- to clear my head, to gain some sliver of control. My former irritation at being stymied by her soundless thoughts was weak and pale in comparison to her perfume. Yes, it was weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any emotion that distracted me from imagining what she would taste like…  
I could leave, I won't become the monster! I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.

Then she opened the door. The saturated air blew right towards me, her scent hitting me like a wrecking ball, like a battering ram. The internal struggle I had been having with the monster was no more. I had lost the fight, and she would suffer the consequences. Thirst burned through my throat like fire. A ragging inferno, incinerating my resolve. I was a vampire and she had the sweetest blood I had smelled in eighty years. My mouth was baked and desiccated. The fresh flow of venom did nothing to dispel that sensation. My stomach twisted with the hunger that was an echo of the thirst.

My muscle coiled to spring. And as she shut the door to turn and walk away, I launched myself toward her, knocking the wind out of her, trapping her in my grasp. She would have no idea what was happening, she couldn't see, for I was running to fast. She couldn't move in my possession. I was like an iron vise, imprisoning a delicate flower. I ran her deep into the forest, away from civilization. I could feel her squirm and try to move her arms, her warm, soft body pressing against me. The feel of her heart pounded against my cold hard chest, the echo in my ear. Her breath had come back, assaulting me even further. Hot and rapid, pouring over me like a sluice. The wind picking up her hair, circling and throwing it in my face. Soft and tickling in the air. Everything about her made the burn that much more excruciatingly desirable. My every fiber ached at the desire for her blood. I could take her now, _but why rush through the experience_, I cringed, as the savage in my head agreed.

I ran for miles, looking for the right place, when I finally found a small clearing.  
I let her go, not stopping before I did, she flew to the ground, knocking out her breath.  
I should have been more gentle, there's no reason for her to suffer any more than she was already going to. She should not have to feel pain; I will not kill her cruelly. That much I could give this stranger with the horribly enticing blood.

Just as she hit the ground a gush of cool unscented air wafted across my face. I inhaled deeply, and for that one short second I was able to think clearly. I don't have to do this, I could leave now…

She would be confused, but alive. Lost in the forest, but alive. In pain, cold and wet, but alive…

I should, she hasn't noticed me yet, she hasn't looked at me, her eyes are closed, probably trying to focus from the dizzying speed. I took a step back, getting ready to turn and run in the opposite direction, to never look back. Leave this place, _this girl_, forever.

Then she opened them, her deep scared -chocolate brown eyes. Piercing through me in fear, like a thousand daggers. The reflection of me in her eyes was hideous, I was a hideous monster, and she knew it. There was no denying it now, she had seen me, and she knows. I haven't moved from my attack stance and my teeth are still bared, I was frightening -even to myself- it's no wonder she flinched. She was a fragile, frail, weak human girl and in my eyes there was nothing but hate and revulsion. For myself, but for her too.

I wonder what she is thinking, the frustrating point that still evaded me. What was with this girl! It's as if she was created just for me, only me and no one else. Created to torture and test, subject me to the disappointment of my existence. To inflict on me the worst kinds of pain, hers and mine. What I would do to this girl will torment me forever, even in my worst days, I never killed an innocent before. Her face, her fear, her pain will be seared in my mind for as long as I live. Her scent, her taste, never leaving me, flowing satisfying and disgusting in me forever. I will never be rid of her, she will haunt me for all eternity.

She started to move back away from me, her hands and feet slipping on the mud and grass. She was trying to get away, I found this darkly humorous, as if she could outrun me. Instinctively I inched forward, taking back her feeble attempts to flee. She slipped falling back on her elbows, throwing her head back and thrusting out her neck. Her perfectly smooth, warm and delicious neck. I wanted to touched it with my hand, caress the soft sheath. Her skin was so pale and translucent, it was hard to imagine it offered her any protection at all, the pulse of her blood inviting me in. How effortless it would be to sink in to, releasing the decadent flow. It was as if she was doing everything in her power, subconsciously, to make me kill her. Calling to me with her every movement. I wish I could stop, but I wanted her more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.

If she would just get up and run, I would let her go, I would make myself let her go. Get up and run Bella, run away from this beast. Saying her name, even in my head, sent a wave of titillation through me. I wanted to believe this, I hoped it was true, but the monster was too excited, it wouldn't give in that easily.

Then she sat up and turned over to stand. Would she grant me my unspoken wish, give me the reprieve I so desired? I wanted her to go, to leave and get out of here. I respected her strength, her desire to fight. If she would fight to save her life, then so would I. I will stop the monster from taking this girl, I will let her run, and I will not chase her. She will win this battle, I will forfeit and lose, all she has to do it get up and run…

Another cool breeze blew across my face, I inhaled a deep breath, clutching onto my resolution. But the air wasn't cool and it didn't clear my mind, it was tainted and warm, fiery and sapid.

A stick had pierced through the palm of her hand. The flesh was slashed, and the pooling of blood had already seeped though and was assaulting my will. If she took it out, spilling the birth, her life would be over. There would be no choice, it would be lost on me, and forever on her. I stepped forward, to stop her from death.

NO! I yelled in my head, my teeth clenched to tight to say out loud, but it was too late. She pulled the stick out of her hand, the bulge of blood gushing out, spilling over and down her palm and wrist. My breath caught, but it was too late, the scent had transude, scorching down my throat. The end was here, we both lost the strife.

Her agonizing scream fell on deaf ears, now nothing could stop this fiend.

(3/23/09)

**Chapter 3: The Hunt**

I flung myself towards her, trapping her again in my cage.

In that instant, I was nothing close to the human I'd once been; no trace of the shreds of humanity I'd managed to cloak myself in remained. There was no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment.

As we crashed into the ground, I felt as her head slammed into the soft earth. And as her body dug into the terrain, mine pressed up against her soft warm figure.

I could hear; _feel_ her blood pumping through her veins, feel her heartbeats increase at the surge of adrenaline.

Her warm breath that I'd forced out of her whispered past my ear as her teeth clanked loudly together.

I ran my hand up the side of her warm neck; my skin tingled from the touch. Her hair was soft as silk; I wound my fingers through it, grabbing onto the delicate weave and pulling in a tight handful.

As I pulled her head down towards her right shoulder; exposing my intended place to the elements, I relaxed a little into her; into our fate.

Her frail figure began collapsing under my pressure and I could hear from deep within as her bones began to break, small fissures splintering across her ribs like spidering broken glass; her pelvic, hip and thigh bones bowing under my weight. Her warmth soaking into me, fueling the fire as my mouth swam with venom.

As the cool air touched the freshly exposed skin on her neck, goose bumps tickled down the sagittal plane of her neck, releasing tiny wisps of her scent; like icing on a cake. I couldn't help the growl that escaped when the tiny flavors rushed my senses.

I took in slow, steady, deep breaths, as I traced down the thin membrane; stopping at my entry point –lingering there; taking in the entire flavor.

The scent was a thick haze in my brain; punishing me, closing my throat with dry aching…

As I parted my lips my breath expelled from me in disgust.

And as I pressed my mouth against her throat I could no longer think, my thoughts raged, resisting control, incoherent.

The movement was quick, clean, deep; the blade of my teeth slicing through the delicate sheath.  
As the finest claret pooled to the surface I pressed my mouth tightly over the wound; as to not waste a drop, and without hesitation I took one long, deep pull into my mouth, indulging my thirst.

As the sanguine fluid touched my tongue the flavor exploded in my mouth, the fire that raced through my veins and burned out from my chest -ceased to exist; instantly gone –perished.  
The constant gnawing pain and burn of my desire had completely dispelled.

Her perfect blood was the water to my fire; the salve to my burn, erasing what had been a constant for eighty years. Her, her blood was made for me. Specifically for me, she was the cure to my disease.

The taste was unimaginable, that thought was excruciating.

I felt her move; trying to push me away, as she opened her mouth to let out –nothing.

And as my weight became too much for her to bear, she exhaled a deep breath, causing a moan to escape my lips; her relaxation had caused a sudden rush of blood –refilling the cavity with her sweetness.

As I continued to drain the unequaled being, I started thinking clearly again.

As I realized my thoughts were not alone, I instinctively began slowing my feat. Through the delectable haze was a whisper of thoughts, slow, but creeping into my mind.

And as her heart began to slow, so did my greedy consumption, allowing the birth the barely pulse out.

The burn that was still completely gone and saturated by her blood, allowed me to focus, bringing new rise to my forgotten curiosity.

She was calm, although in pain while still taking in short shallow breaths, and She Knew.  
By now it was reasonable to assume she had guessed, but to hear her _say_ it was still a shock.

_Edward Cullen is a Vampire_

My name being said in her thoughts sent a wave of titillation through me. I was captivated, not only by her blood, but now by her thoughts; her internal dialog grabbing my attention as I eagerly listened for more.

_…The sweetest smell…I'm not angry with the boy who is killing me. In a weird way I suppose I'm almost happy to help…I had obviously caused him pain….that soon will be over for both of us…_

I'd stopped breathing.

_What would happen to my body…_

As I listened I too began to wonder. What would I do with her body?

_Obviously I would be dead after this._

I flinched.

_Would he bury me somewhere here deep in the forest, never to be found? Take me to the ocean and throw me in, letting the current ferry me out to sea. Burn me to ash, crushing the bones and spreading them out over the earth. Or disregard me here, out in the open and let the wildlife take care of it for him?_

No.

I wouldn't do any of those things to her.

How could she be so dismissive of herself; callous about her own death?

_…A single motor vehicle accident; a rollover, causing severe head trauma, killing me instantly. Whatever it was my neck would be gashed, to cover up his track marks. Having no blood left in me to spill, I'm sure he would come up with something convincing._

Was she insane?  
How could this perplexing creature be so disregarding of her own life?

_**And how are you treating her any differently**_, the distended savage taunted…

_No body would be easier. Having one would raise less questions…_

(12/02/2009)

**Chapter 4: Goodbyes**

Her blood began to cool, while her thoughts began to fade…

_Charlie. Renee.  
…I hadn't thought about what really mattered. My Parents…_

As her thoughts continued fading away; in and out like a light being turned off and on, her thoughts went to her parents and led me to mine.

I thought of Carlisle again, my father. Carlisle was not my father in the basic biological sense, but still, he was my father.

As of now there is nothing left of me that would reflect the years I'd spend with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the ways that counted. My eyes would glow red as a devils; all likeness would be lost forever.

I knew that he would forgive me for this horrible act. Because he loved me. Because he thought I was better than I am. And he would still love me, even now as I proved him wrong.

I leaned away from her in revulsion –revolted by the monster that was taking her.

_I forgive you Edward._

Her words struck me so hard I felt as though a hole had been punched through my chest.

At that moment I felt a new burn rage through my body, the burn of shame.

I unwrapped myself from around her; enough to look into her eyes, as he continued to think…

_…I'm sad for my parents, for the loss they will feel, but I forgive you for taking me away…_

I wanted to weep.  
She was selfless.  
This girl with the horribly inciting blood was so selfless that even as her own life was being taken away from her she was thinking nothing of herself, and only for the ones she loved.

I looked into her eyes, her once inviting and endlessly deep chocolate brown eyes, and now saw a hollowing pale gray as her life continued to slip away.

The blackness began to completely take over as her consciousness began to blur.

I wanted to be sick.

I wanted to take back my horrible transgressions against this beautiful, innocent, caring girl.

_…it will soon be over…_

Her thought rang with a tone of finality, she had accepted her death, was giving in to it, waiting for it…

Her eye lids began to flutter before finally closing, sending a rush of fear over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I could no longer hear her heartbeat. I realized that the hate –the hate that I'd imagined this girl somehow deserved for simply existing –had evaporated. Looking down on her now it was hard to believe that anyone so vulnerable could ever justify such hatred. I truly was a monster.

_**I can't lose her.**_ The words shouted in my head as if they belonged to someone else.  
With frantic movements I felt around for a pulse, I didn't want her to die, I didn't want her to leave me.

"Bella…" I whispered her name through a broken sob.

The gash on her neck was still seeping with her blood. "No." I whimpered out as if I hadn't been the one to cause the wound. I took my shirt's hem, ripping a piece off, covering the lesion and applying pressure.

I pressed my ear against her chest, listening for a beat I could not feel, a tiny flutter gave me little hope before turning into despair as I realized it was the last one.

As the remnants of her sweet breath slipped out of her chest and through her pale lips, a single tear rolled down her check.

(12/03/2009)

**Chapter 5: The Angel**

She's gone. No. No. No. No I can't lose her, she can't be gone.  
I held her fragile little head between my hands, gently shaking her.  
"Bella…oh please, Bella don't…" I pleaded with her "…Stay."

I began doing CPR, hoping against all hope that I could keep her alive. While doing compressions I was careful not to push too hard, her ribs were already cracked from the attack; it would take very little pressure to crush them completely.

I gently pinched her nose, then pressed my mouth tightly against hers, breathing in for her. My mouth burned against hers; like an electric pulse or current flowing through me.

I was back doing compressions when I heard their thoughts come into focus. My siblings.

Alice's thoughts were frantic and all over the place, no rhyme or rhythm to them. She was hoping and praying they weren't too late.

Jasper was concerned with Alice; the pain he was experiencing from her was unbearable. He was also running through potential cover ups; Jasper was always prepared. Something he had learned and lived by before joining our family.

Emmett was preparing to muscle me around; to get me away from the girl. Something he knew he could do easily but didn't want to have to.

Rosalie was angry. Just angry, about everything and nothing at all as it pertained to the situation.

As soon as they were in view Alice's cries were jarring in my head, following a streaming video of a jumbled mess of pictures and scenes; thousands of them flashing through her mind a flipping through channels on a TV.

'_EDWARD NO!_' she screamed at me in her mind.

I was just bending down to breathe again for the girl when her thoughts registered with me, she had misunderstood.

One second I was breathing life back into her, the next I was hurling through the air before being pinned to the ground by four strong arms.  
Jasper and Emmett held me down, shock disbelief, concern running through their minds as I struggled to get free.

"Let me go! She needs me!" I wailed  
"Oh, Bella…no" I could hear Alice say through her sobs "She's dying."

"She needs CPR!" I yelled again.

This both shocked and confused Emmett and Jasper, enough for me to break free. I rushed back over to the lifeless girl and resumed my attempt at saving her life.

"Why Edward?" Alice was questioning me, the anguish in her voice fueling my need for the girl to live.

"I need Carlisle, he can save her" I said to them before bending to give her more air.

And then I heard it, the most beautiful sound in the world, it was a soft little thump from deep within her chest, and as I waited for more she drew in a small, shallow breath.

She was alive. She was going to make it, I just needed to get her to Carlisle, he would know what to do…

"She won't make it." Alice whispered and then as to prove her point a vision passed through her mind.

She was right. She wouldn't make it, no matter what. She was dying. I had killed her. I was a murderer. A monster. The girl was going to die and there was nothing I could do now to stop it.

I slumped down beside her; taking her free hand and listened with every part of me, mind body and soul to the faint, uneven beats of her heart. Breathing in the remnants of her scent while focusing on the quiet whistle of her tiny breaths as she gasped for air.

It was over and I felt as though I would die with her. I should die with her, it was the very least I deserved for what I've done to this girl.

Then another vision hit me, catching me off guard and filling me with anger at the thought of putting her through anymore.

"NO. Alice!"

"Yes Edward. She will live. She doesn't have to die like this!"

"You can't be serious!" Rosalie spoke for the first time "It's not fair to her, don't do it Alice! I know what you're thinking and you can't do it!"

"This isn't about you Rosalie!" Alice snapped back at her.

"You can't Alice…" I said the words, but did I really mean them? I wasn't sure.

"I don't care Edward, I love her!" she yelled at me again.

She loved her? How could she love her? "You don't even know her…" I let my words trail off as those pictures began passing through her mind once again.

"I'm doing it Edward." She stated, still bombarding me with her mental images.

"Alice I can hardly feel her anymore. She'll be gone soon" Jasper said, still standing back away from us.

Then the pictures changed, they were of Alice and Bella standing side by side, both with the same familiar color in their eyes.

"No…Stop Alice…"

"Look at what you've done, see what you have lost!" '_what I've lost, what we all have lost'_ she added silently.

Visions I didn't understand, things that didn't make sense, that hadn't happened, that never would were now burned into my memory for all of eternity.

Bella –human, with us all and _she knew_.  
Kissing her, dancing with her, _loving_ her…  
It hurt to watch…

"ooh…" was all my voice would allow.

Bella with my family, all of them, loving her as their own.  
A wedding, a honey moon, a child..

All shocking images of things that would never be, things that we could have never imagined, now gone forever because of me, because of what I have done.

"please, just….wait" I wanted more time, I wanted to go back, I wanted to fix this, I need more time…

"There's no time to wait…she's out of time…you're out of time." Alice whispered, pleading with me to understand.

_'It would have happened either way, regardless of today'_ she added in her head, showing me another set of visions. One's of Bella as one of us, after everything, she was one of us, different in that time, in that other possible life. We could have been more, a family. But Alice was right; she would have always been one of us…

I bent down, gently picking up Bella's fragile limp body and hugged her as close to me as I could without hurting her further. Feeling her last bit of warmth and it soaked in through me, taking in her wonderful scent.

"I'm so sorry Bella" I whispered in her ear, pain and remorse wrapped tightly around each word.

I pulled back from her just enough to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, before cutting into her again.

(12/03/2009)

**Chapter 6: Burning**

A human can survive with a 50% loss of blood.

I had taken more.

Once the decision was made to change Bella, saving her was all I could think about.

I cut into her delicate skin again and again, forcing my venom into her dry veins. She had just enough blood left in her body to carry it, but she still needed help.

Once I had cut into her neck, her heart stopped beating –again. Alice began compressions while I traveled down her body and back up again, slashing and slicing my way through her clothes to get to her skin, pushing in my poison everywhere I could get to.

About two-thirds of the way through my lacerations Alice stopped CPR. I was just about to holler at her when Bella's heart took off so fast I thought I might explode in her chest.

_'I just want to die. To have never been born.'_

The words slivered through my mind.

She was in pain, and was wishing for death.

I was in pain and wishing for my own.

I remembered all to clearly what torture she was going through, I remember from my own transformation.

I was worse than a monster. Words fail to describe the horrible creature I had now become.

I attacked and took the life from this innocent girl. I tortured and killed her cruelly in my savage feat, only to discover too late that I didn't want her to die. She could have, _should_ have been more to me than just a meal.

I discovered too late that this girl –the only girl in the world- was not the bane of my existence, but rather the reason for it.

So like a coward who had to cheat to win a game, I took her life for the second time today, I took her soul.

I am so selfish and greedy that I couldn't bear the thought of her dying. And though I couldn't have her, just the dream of having her made it impossible for me to let her die.

So I turned her –causing her more pain, causing her to burn…causing her to wish for death.

(12/04/2009)

**Chapter 7: Waking Up**

The hours were endless; the minutes were torture and seconds stood still…

I carried her home, held her tightly against my chest, making sure her heart still beat.

As soon as we arrived my siblings got to work, making her a room, a place for her to be through the changed and hopefully stay long after.

No one spoke to me for quite some time; they didn't know what to say. I was all consumed by Bella, holding her in my arms, staring at her face. She was everything, everything that mattered.

"Edward." Alice finally addressed me. When I didn't respond to her immediately she screamed at me in her mind _'EDWARD!'_

"What Alice." I finally answered her, not taking my eyes from Bella's face.

"Her room is ready, let me take her."

"I'll take her." I said, brushing past her open arms. I wasn't ready to release her to anyone one, not yet, not ever.

When I went to her room I didn't put her down, instead I stood there, by her bed, holding her, staring at her. What had I done? How could I have let this happen?

"Edward put her down so I can change her clothes." Alice was speaking to me again, but I couldn't answer her, I couldn't give her what she wanted.

"He's not himself right now Alice" Jasper said to her before leading her out of the room.

"Edward. Son" Carlisle's voice finally broke through my focus. "I need to examine her, to make sure she is alright. Let's put her on the bed and let Alice and Esme' change her out of these clothes."  
I still couldn't look away from her face, I wanted to comply, but my body wouldn't release her.

"Edward. She's alright now. She's going to be fine." Alice said from right beside me.

I knew she was right, of course she was right.

Still struggling with what I wanted to do –hold Bella for all of eternity- and what I should do, I resigned myself to their request and as gently as I could; as if she were the most precious breakable glass in the world, I laid her on the bed.

"Edward, you need to go so we can change her. She needs privacy." Alice insisted.

"Right. Of course. Sorry." I muttered, while backing myself out the door.

Thirty six hours and counting.  
Though it felt like thirty six years.

I was always by her side, leaving only to hunt. I needed to do that. I wanted to drown the scarlet in my eyes as quickly as possible. So I hunted every twelve hours, gorging myself with blood. Bloating myself to the point of agony, but I still went, every twelve house.

I couldn't stand to look at myself, or see myself through the others eyes –the red-eyed monster staring back at me. So I was now wearing contacts, for them, for me and for her when she woke up. I didn't want her to be even more frightened by my blood-red eyes; she would already have so much to deal with.

I talked to her, when we were alone, about everything and nothing; I apologized over and over again; relentlessly.

I wanted her to forgive me, it was wishful thinking, I didn't deserve it, but nevertheless I wanted it.

She had forgiven me during the attack, but that was a dying girl making peace with her life, I knew that and yet I hoped…

….

We were quickly approaching the third day and I was beginning to worry she may never wake up when something changed. I had been sitting in my normal spot, by her side, when it happened.

"Carlisle" I called out in a low voice, panic evident in the words.

Her heart was racing, going so fast you could just barely make out the individual beats.

My father came into the room, calm as he ever was. "Ah" he said "It's almost over"

Relief washed over me, she was going to be alright, she was really going to live.

Alice was in the room, images flashing through her mind "Soon" she agreed with Carlisle, excitement laced in her words "I'll get the others"

Knowing it would be over soon had me feeling depressed along with the overwhelming joy and relief.  
She would not want me to be near her, she would never want to see me again –as she shouldn't, but the thought and realization still broke my heart.

I firmly held onto her hand while brushing her soft hair from her face. She wouldn't want me touch her, but as I have said before; I am a selfish creature.

Her heart sped up, faster than before, even faster that I would have thought possible. Her back arched, lifting her from her chest off the bed, her fingers twitched in my hand.

This was it; she would be waking up soon. The others were now in the room, and I knew I shouldn't be next to her when she woke up.

"Alice, will you sit with her please." I whispered to my sister, before kissing the top of Bella's hand and moving to the back of the room.

As her heart galloped to its last beat, everyone in the room fell very quiet and still, no one breathing.

It had been a longtime since we'd witnessed someone's change, and given the circumstances we weren't sure what to expect.

Then one deep –hollow sounding thud, followed by two stuttered beats, before ending with a single quiet thud –Bella's heart had stopped beating; this time never to start again.

She lay there, not moving, not breathing –along with the rest of us- for so long I started to worry again.

But then, she opened her eyes…  
(12/4/2009)


	2. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 EPOV: The Cullen's**

I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she was beautiful. The most stunningly beautiful creature I had ever seen.

As she went through the change I watched her body's progression. As her soft delicate figure; though keeping its appearance, began turning into something as strong, ageless and beautiful as Michelangelo's Pieta' or more appropriately Bernini's Apollo and Daphne. –At that comparison I couldn't help the flinch, how fitting I would liken her to such a story.

In the story, Apollo criticizes Cupid, and Cupid then starts using his arrows to create some mischief on Apollo. Consequently, the ardent Apollo is pursuing Daphne but she has no interest in him. As he is about to overcome her by force, she feels that her beauty has become a curse. She appeals to her father (a river God) that her form will be changed, and he changes her into a laurel tree.

–If she had been able, I can imagine that Bella would have done _anything_ to get free of me.

Her first breath was one of shock, which she recovered from quickly and began breathing normally. Everyone else in the room had still been holding their breath, but were also now breathing normally since she had.

As her sweat breath mingled in the air, I inhaled deeply, and then clamped down on the influx reflexively. Her scent was just as intoxicating as it had been before, only now missing the burn. My appeal for her scent still remained, only without the hunger and desire to consume tied to it. Her fragrance, instead of causing my throat to blaze, now did something entirely new to set my body a fire.

All of the sudden without any warning whatsoever, Bella's body locked down for a split second before spinning herself off the bed and crouching defensively against the wall, a hiss slipping passed her clenched teeth.

Jaspers process of her emotions punched into me; she was afraid.

"Calm down Bella" Alice stood up slowly from where she had been sitting by her. She was holding her hands up in front of her like a surrender as she took two slow steps forward. "My name is Alice Cullen, remember me from school?" Alice's voice was calm and clear, but she also sounded hopeful that Bella would remember. _'Please remember me Bella'_ she added silently in her head.  
Alice had already formed and unbreakable attachment to Bella. She already considered her a friend; a part of this family.

Bella gave Alice a nod, but didn't move from her position against the wall. "Remember what I've told you over the past few days? I know it's hard, but focus through the pain" _'Shoot! Why did I say that…?'_ Alice thought as Bella flinched. "Listen to my words, to what we told you. Please Bella, try to remember."

I was still unable to hear Bella's thoughts, so it was especially frustrating to have to monitor her through Jasper. He was focused on Bella, but not in a way that I was comfortable with. He viewed her as a threat, he knew from personal experience how unpredictable newborns could be. His plan to incapacitate Bella was solid; he was just waiting for a sign.

As her emotions shifted around, I watched her, waiting and listening intently. She ran through them very quickly, causing Jaspers nerves to spike. Confusion, pain, shock, understanding, reassurance, comfort, disturbance, annoyance, disgust –I began to panic- then relief before an overwhelming sensation of embarrassment, which sent Jasper and I both into our own sense of shock.

"Of course Alice, I remember you, and what you've told me. Please forgive me for acting so rudely."

_'What!'_ I heard Jasper exclaim, as we both stared in confusion, both of us in complete surprise by her composure, but mine mostly at the sound of her voice. She sounded like an angel, a voice made of solid gold as it shimmered and shined.

"Don't apologize Bella! We know how difficult this is, it's a lot to take in" Alice reassured _'This is going better that I thought'_

_'How interesting'_ Carlisle thought as he began to walk forward towards Bella "I'm sure you have questions Bella, it's a little disorienting at first, and we will all be here to help you."

She winced a little, as I groaned internally.

"Thank you Doctor" she said smiling at him "I appreciate your kindness"

"Bella, it's the least I could do, and please call me Carlisle"

"Thank you, Carlisle"

_'Very interesting…'_ "May I ask, how are you feeling? You are very calm." Carlisle asked her curiously _'I wonder if it is a gift, I'll have to do some research…'_

I began paying attention to Bella again as her emotions took off.

"I…I'm fine…I think…is there something wrong with me?" She began to recoil as fear and confusion took over her again. I had to stop myself from rushing over to her, to reassure her there was nothing wrong with her, tell her that she was absolutely fine; perfect in fact.

Jaspers confusion got the best of him as he sighed and shifted his weight. This was not what he was expecting, and he was baffled as to what to do, or rather not to do.

"Bella, you remember Jasper Hale from school. You were told he was my boyfriend." Alice was telling her; beaming with joy as she spoke the words "He is actually my husband" She finished walking over to him and taking his hand. Alice did this for two reasons, to reassure Bella that Jasper was not a threat, and the reassure Jasper that neither was Bella.

"Hello Bella, it's nice to meet you." He kept his voice low; guarded, but accepted Alice's comfort. He believed in her very much, as we all did.

I watched as Bella took in Jaspers appearance, seeing the scars he had on his face. She tensed defensively, then almost immediately took a deep breath and felt calm.

I looked at Jasper wondering if he'd helped her, when he answered me _'I didn't do anything, I don't understand…'_ He looked down at Alice who just giggled at both of us with a smug undertone.

"He's confused by how calm you're being, we all are" I realized too late that I had reflexively answered her unasked emotions question, as if I had any right to do so. I was looking at her when she snapped her head in my direction, catching me full on and locking me in her eyes, making the wave of abhorrence intensify and all the more suffering.

I had to look away; I couldn't stand what I have made her feel towards me. Knowing now without any doubt that my worst fears were true, she hates me. I could feel it like a kick to the face; a stab in the heart, her absolute disgust towards me –and she should, I deserve it.

The chuckle from by the door caught me off guard then angered me. _'Whoa! She hates you dude, you better watch out, she looks like she actually might be able to hurt you.'_

"Do I amuse you Emmett?"

_'Ha Ha…'_ "Yea" he laughed out loud this time _'Yep, just like an angry kitten. Ha Ha, she's great'_

I wasn't able to enjoy her amusement for too long before it turned back into irritation. "Why wouldn't I be calm? What were you expecting?"

"Bella, there is much you don't know. In our world you are considered a newborn. You should be irrational and crazed with thirst, not standing here having an intelligent conversation." Jasper was trying to explain to her, but as he continued to talk it became more of an out loud mental rant; he was mostly talking to himself.

"Everyone is different Jasper; we all experience this life differently." Carlisle had turned to look at Bella, giving me my first up close look at her lovely face. He was concerned about her though he didn't know why, and very curious. "I know you said you were fine Bella, but you have to be thirsty" as he said the words his eyes gave way to her throat. Her perfect slender throat…the beautiful view was instantly obstructed by the horrible memory of what I'd done to her delicate neck, and with perfect timing her newborn thirst flared up, hurling into Jasper before slamming into me.

"oh" she said in a tiny voice, cupping her hand around her neck.

"That's what I thought, and it's what Jasper meant. You need to hunt."

She was shocked again; I didn't need to feel her emotions, I could plainly see it on her face.

"Me? Hunt? But…how?" she was nearing towards hysteria, Jasper was getting ready to calm her and then move to neutralize her when Alice gave him a pat before moving to Bella.

"It's quite easy, Instinctual. Don't worry Bella, I'll show you how." She was beside her now, taking her hand from her throat. Though Jasper trusted Alice he still calmed Bella, washing her with relief, and putting himself at ease in the process.

Alice started flitting through visions, looking for something specific when she spoke "Would any of you like to join us?" she said hopefully.

"NO." Bella snapped out. Then seeming to realize what she had said, rambled out an excuse of explanation. "I would rather it just be the two of us this time, if you don't mind."

_'I'm sorry Edward, I tried. I thought if I could get all of us to go together she wouldn't object to you being there.'_

I understood what Alice was doing and I appreciated her effort. I let my face drop just enough for her to see and to know I understand.

"Absolutely" Carlisle was making it clear to all of us with his voice that Bella would go alone with Alice. _'She should not feel any more uncomfortable than she already does'_ he added to himself.

"Of course Bella, if that's what you would like." Alice smiled at her, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Thank you" Bella was looking at Carlisle with gratitude, while giving away relief in her emotions.

"Let's go." Alice said while tugging on her arm.

(12/08/09)  
*****


	3. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 EPOV: New**

Alice and Bella led the way out the door with everyone following close by. I waited to leave last, to make sure and give her enough space and distance. As they exited the house the rest of us went into the living room to wait and watch by the glass wall.

Bella was graceful in her movements; the manner in which she carried herself was really quite stunning. I knew my new obsession with her was wrong, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from it either. She had completely captivated me, consuming my every thought. I was now hanging on every breath she took, every word she said.

_'How are you holding up son?'_ Carlisle asked me silently.

From where Bella and Alice were headed they could have easily heard us, and none of us wanted that. We had all been very careful not to talk about the incident since Bella's arrival, or at least not anywhere near where she might be able to hear.

I shrugged my shoulders, the only thing to effectively describe without words as to how I was feeling, and truth be told, I didn't really know.

_'Just give it time, that's all any of us can do'_ he replied to me.

For that I had no returning gesture. Would time really heal this wound? Was that even possible? I desperately hoped so, but couldn't fathom even the possibility of that being true.

Alice had been talking to Bella about how they would be crossing the river when the conversation went from that to what Bella was wearing. Alice was never one for understatement, so when she had opted to give Bella something new to wear, as usual it was over the top. She had dressed Bella in an ice-blue cocktail dress with silver satin shoes, it fit her perfectly, the color complementing her new incandesce brilliantly.

"Your clothes were ruined, so while you were…changing, I dressed you. I hope you don't mind Bella, I just couldn't leave you in those clothes like that"

"Well I suppose the evidence needed to be rid of, wearing it around would hardly be appropriate!"

No. Time was not possible. Time would not heal this wound.

Bella was angry with Alice's explanation and her emotions had set Jasper off once again. As he hurried out of the house towards where Alice and Bella were standing, the rest of us followed suit.  
I knew Alice was fine and wanted to be left alone with Bella but she didn't have time enough to stop us or Jasper from reaching them. Alice held up her hand towards Jasper, effectively stopping him in his place.

Bella had already begun apologizing before we had even reached the lawn, and Alice had started to talk over her, trying to calm her down.

"I'm so sorry Alice, of course I don't mind, thank you it's beautiful, please forgive me, I didn't mean…"

"Bella…Bella, calm down! It's alright, I know you didn't, I understand, you don't have to explain. It's o.k." _'I need to be more careful with what I say around her, I don't want to keep setting her off'_

"But I…" Bella tried again.

"Shh, no apologies please." Alice went over to Bella and hugged her "But you do like the dress?" _'Oh, I'm so glad she likes it! …Oh, wait! She hasn't even seen herself yet…'_ "Come here I want to show you something." She pulled Bella towards the south wall of the house, the one we had all just been watching them through. With the night as dark as it was and the moons shinning light, the windows would reflect like a mirror.

"Look" Alice pointed to their reflection in the glass "What do you think?" _'Edward.'_ She added to me, of course she was mostly talking to Bella, but Alice was making sure I was also paying attention.

I wanted to assure her that I have never before paid more attention to any one single person or thing in my entire existence.

Bella was facing the window full on, her reflection from head to toe, now completely in my view. She was exquisite. Her creamy smooth skin twinkled subtly in the moons light; the glow of the beam dancing across her immortal frame. Long thick mahogany hair silked its way down her back as a few wayward strands draped across her shoulders and curled around where her collar bone was.  
She was better than beautiful, her face was interesting. Not quite symmetrical –her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones; extreme in the coloring –the light and dark contrast of her skin and hair –she took my breath away.

"The eyes" she whispered.

Her eyes were a vivid crimson, and as deep and brimming over with secrets as they ever were. Even now as they were no longer the warm chocolate brown that they once were, the profound depth in them was still evident.

"They'll darken up in a couple of months; animal blood dilutes the color quickly. They'll turn amber first, then gold." Carlisle was explaining to her.

"Months…" Her voice was higher now, stressed.

Jasper was getting anxious again, you could see the concern on his face, Bella's emotions were causing him unease.

Bella, who was looking at Jasper when she suddenly closed her eyes, took in a few deep breaths, then said "It's ok. I'm fine"

Jasper had felt as her emotions went from shock to stress to complete calm and utter control, leaving him yet again baffled as to what was happening with her. I was the one they turned to when they needed to know something, and now wasn't any different.

_'How does she keep doing that? I've never seen anything like it before, are you getting anything from her yet?'_ he asked me.

"I don't know" I answered him automatically "I still can't hear anything."

Bella turned from the glass "What question did I miss?" She sounded irritated, but didn't show it through her emotions.

I couldn't help myself from answering her questions, she wasn't asking me directly, but I responded to her anyway. I looked away from Jasper and to my surprise caught her gaze "Jasper wonders how you're doing it." I said to her vaguely, hoping she would address me further.

She stared at me with detached sight for only a few seconds, and then looked away to Jasper impassively and unaffected by our exchange.

"Doing what?" She said, this time specifically to Jasper.

"Controlling your emotions Bella" Jasper answered her "I've never seen a newborn do that, stop an emotion in its tracks. You were upset, but you saw our concern, you reigned it in, regained power over yourself."

"Is that wrong?"

"No…" _'It's not wrong…it's just,….Hell I don't know! I'm at a loss here.'_

"It's very impressive" I said a loud to both her and Jasper.

"We don't understand Bella, that's all" Carlisle spoke again "We don't know how long it will hold" _'Or exactly what it is…'_

_'Oh for crying out loud!'_ "Ugh!" Alice complained with a snap of her tongue and roll of her eyes "But what do you think?" _'Gesh we can get to all the boring stuff later! Let's focus!'_

Alice spun Bella back around to face her reflection in the glass. "I'm not sure" she sounded abashed, maybe even a little frightened.

She raised her hand to touch her face, then ran her fingers through her hair. I longed to do the same; I clenched my hand in a tight fist, remembering just how soft the locks were. She smiled a little, her mesmeric image doing the same.

"You're hopeless" Alice said with a sigh turning Bella to face her –effectively taking away my unobstructed view.

"Oh well" Bella shrugged at her "It's a nice dress Alice" she said the words as indifferently towards the garment as we all felt about breathing; it's not necessary, but we do it anyway.

_'Well that was less than I was hoping for'_ "Shall we?" Alice said to her pointing in the direction of the forest.

(1210/09)


	4. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 EPOV: First Hunt**

Alice and Bella walked back to the river, the rest of us following, staying just behind. We were all very curious about Bella, having not been around a newborn in many years. She was a bewilderment to us all, nothing we would have ever expected.

"How are we getting across?" Bella asked of Alice confused, which through Jasper I sensed.

"We're jumping" Alice responded to her. She knew Bella wouldn't have realized this, but she was trying to convey nonchalance and confidence in what she was saying, so she wouldn't question it as much.

"We're jumping? Over the river? Are you insane? How?" -it apparently didn't work as well as she thought it would.

"Bella, can't you feel it? The change in your body?" By pointing it out, leading her to the conclusion, Alice was telling Bella to pay attention to what was happening in her. Of course that worked, Bella was quiet for a few short moments, assessing herself.

Wishing I could follow her thought process I focused more on Jaspers gift as I watched her with Alice's sight. The acceptance, you could plainly see in her eyes, as she acknowledge what she'd been told.

"Watch me first, then you go. It's easy, you'll see."

Bella watched intently as Alice flew herself across the river, studying her movements with complete focus. She herself then took a few steps back, more than Alice had and more than was necessary, to follow the lead. She kicked off the silver pumps, and as she placed her feet onto the soft earth, she gently caressed the surface. I had never envied grass more.

She then grabbed the hem of her dress and slide the fabric up her thighs; allowing for running movement within the garment, and as she did this, an unfamiliar heat slide up inside of me, just as the dress had moving up her legs.

Crouching down, she lunged herself forward, launching herself over the river. She would have no idea how to account for newborn strength, so she ended up over shooting Alice and landing further in the forest. It looked all too natural for her; she was exquisite.

"Wow Bella! That was really graceful, even for a vampire!" Alice hollered at her as she ran to her side.

The response that Alice then received was one I could never hope to see with my own eyes, something I would never earn or deserve to witness.

Bella smiled for the first time since she had come into our lives; really smiled. The sight was breath taking and beautiful; she was beautiful. The ache in my chest that followed was tormentingly foolish.

As they left into the forest for her first hunt, the rest of us found ourselves back into the house and to the dinning room. Since bringing Bella into the house we had not been able to converse openly, having to take cautious measures so she would not hear anything we would say regarding her or the situation.

We had been going over everything since turning Bella, and what options we thought would be best for her permanent disappearance, cover stories and lies. The treaty for one was going to need to be addresses, we still weren't sure how we were going to handle that. We wondered if we should move somewhere else and where to go if we did. None of us really had any idea how she would respond to our plans, and we wouldn't make any final decisions without her, we all had agreed that she would get the final say for whatever was decided, after all, it affected her the most.

The story that we all hoped she would choose and go with was an unfortunate and unplanned event that would be a perfect cover.

About a day after bringing Bella here a body was discovered a few miles out of town. The woman was almost the same size and height as Bella, with dark hair and pale skin. She was a few years older, and didn't have brown eyes; the depthless chocolate brown eyes that Bella had once had, this woman's were blue. The body was so severely beaten that she was virtually unrecognizable, so with a pair of contacts and a DNA test she would be very easy to pass off as the body of the police chief's daughter.

Charlie Swan, Bella's father, had called Carlisle personally to request his help with the body. Carlisle normally didn't do the things that were being requested by the Chief, but because it was the Chief and because Carlisle was assuming his own guilt about what was happening within the Swan family, he agreed to help him. Carlisle told Charlie that he would run the DNA test himself as well as perform the autopsy. Carlisle working on the case had also the added benefit of time for us, giving us the space we needed to make sure everything was covered and taken care of as thoroughly as possible.

Emmett, Jasper and myself began to work on finding out the girls identity. We combed over thousands of missing persons reports, going back several years even, thinking maybe she had been a run away. Nothing had come up from far back or resent that would lead anyone to believe this body to be the one of their loved one. So to us she was still a "Jane Doe' and forever would be.

Carlisle's initial examination, not done for the police's benefit, but for ours, uncovered that the attacker was a human male, he had left such evidence behind. He was also, by murderous standers, a professional at what he did, methodical even, cleaning up all traces of himself from the body. Unfortunately for him, the investigators on this particular case were not human, and would not miss the same things he himself couldn't clean.

With his DNA we were able to get an identity on the degenerate. Alonzo Calderas Wallace; suspected serial rapist and murderer wanted in the states of Texas and Oklahoma. Having a name and face would make it easier to find him later.

We had been in heavy discussion about Bella, the body and Alonzo when I heard the car turn down the gravel road to our house. Much like his daughter, Charlie Swans thoughts are concealed from me, not silent like hers, but I could only make out the tenor, the tone of them…

"Charlie Swan is coming to the house." I told them.

"Is that who is coming up the drive Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes." I said with dread.

Being around Charlie was another tortuous add to my already overflowing and full self loathing plate.

The panic and constant concern emanating out of the man's mind were relentless. Since the moment she had went missing, he has been constantly emotionally berating himself; another blaming themselves for something I had done.

Wordless anxiety and guilt; a great swell of them; washed out of him; drowning out just about every other thought in the vicinity.

Washed out of him and through me, echoing and growing stronger and stronger with each passing day that she was not recovered.

My head bowed with guilt as I listened to him approach the house.

Carlisle waited for him to knock on the door before going to the foyer to greet him, while I scurried off to my room to hide like a coward.

"Charlie" Carlisle said to him while opening the door "please come in."

"Good evening Carlisle, sorry to barge in at such a late hour."

"It's no problem" He told him as he lead the way into the kitchen.

While Charlie was coming down the driveway, Esme had hurriedly made some coffee and set out a plate of cookies on the table.

"Charlie" She said while rising from her chair "Can I get you some coffee?"

"Thank you Esme, that would be fine."

"Please sit, help yourself to a cookie."

"Thank you, but just the coffee will do."

"Charlie, is there news that I should be aware of?" Carlisle asked him knowing he would want to get straight to business.

"Actually, that's why I'm here, I was hoping you had some news for me." The plea in his voice was devastating, he would take, at this moment, anything; any scrap thrown at him about his daughter that would help him.

"Here you go dear." Esme had set the coffee down in front of him on the table.

"Thank you." He acknowledge her, but never took his eyes from Carlisle.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I don't have any new information for you just yet. These are delicate matters that take time." He explained "I know that the last thing you want to give is more time, but to be very thorough it will take an incredible amount of patience on your part while we work through this.

Charlie didn't speak, he just nodded his head and looked away. Disappointment written all over his face and threading its was through his emotions.

I heard her words before I could register Alice's thoughts, they had come back and where standing on the other side of the rivers edge.

"But…..Charlie…"

(10/10/10)


	5. Chapter 11

***I want to remind everyone that there is DIRECT text and dialog in this story from all 4 of the books and movies!***

**Chapter 11 EPOV: Complications**

"Emmett, Jasper outside! Bella's come back!" I yelled at them as loud as I could without Charlie being able to hear.

The three of us were outside a second later, Rosalie following. All of us stayed back hopefully just enough so that Bella wouldn't know we were out here. Bella was near hysteria at the realization that Charlie was here. Alice was saying anything to make her stay on the other side of the river.

Carlisle, now knowing he needed to get Charlie out of here as quickly as possible, speed up the conversation, brining it to an end, telling him what he needed to hear, while at the same time Alice was pleading with Bella to stay where she was. She had resorted to holding Bella in place, shaking her lightly to get her to focus on what she was saying.

"You don't know that Bella! You've never been around a human before, the call of their blood is so much more intense than you can possibly realize. What if you can't control yourself, and you go over there. What if you DID kill Charlie, could you ever forgive yourself for that?"

'I don't know if I can keep her over here!' she yelled at me.

Carlisle was getting ready to walk Charlie to the door, Alice had to hold Bella off for just a few more moments.

'Do we need to go over there? Should we do something?' Emmett was silently asking.

NO- I shook my head, one small quick movement. Alice didn't want anyone to interfere just yet, afraid she might lose the battle with Bella, that she might still come over here before her father left. She was explaining to her now that we needed to talk first, figure things out.

Bella had agreed with Alice, to what I wasn't quite sure, "Fine. I'll stay here until he leaves" she said as she began to pace a shallow groove in the rivers crust.

Finally, Charlie and Carlisle made it to the front door. "I'm sorry Charlie, I know its not what you were hoping for." he explained as he opened the door and they both walked out.

"Thank you for all your help Carlisle."

"It's no problem Charlie, and you will be the first person to know once I find out anything." Carlisle shook Charlie's hand, and patted him on his shoulder. 

Bella had stopped moving, once she heard her fathers voice. And the expression that was on her face, I could imagine what she was seeing.

Having looked at Charlie through the others, over the last few days, along with tonight, and then knowing exactly what he's been putting himself through, I knew what she would see. But words and thoughts were absolutely unnecessary to read him right now, everything you needed to know was all over his face.

Sleepless nights, worry, fear, pain and absolute exhaustion were all evident all over the man's face. The heavy weight he was carrying, physically causing him to bow just a little. It was a far cry from the confident walk and posture of the police chief we had all known before.

I could read it in her eyes, see it physically change her as she watched him. The toll of his appearance, it imprinted itself onto her. The vibrant beautiful girl that was here an hour ago disappeared, literally falling before my eyes.

Bella sank to her knees, covering her face as she began to sob.

"I can't watch this" Rosalie whispered to Emmett as she pulled him inside.

Carlisle and Esme also found themselves back into the house.

"Go." I said to Jasper when I realized he wasn't leaving on his own. The physical pain she was emanating throbbed through him and burned into me. He was struggling with it, and he shouldn't have to endure. He didn't say or think anything, he just left as quickly and quietly as he could manage.

I on the other hand could not; would not, even if I could.. As many times and as much as she would suffer because of me, so then shall I.

I wept with her. Silent, breathless, vacant tears.

Time lost track while Bella cried.

Every shaking sob was a spear though my heart, every gasping cry was rip through my chest. What had I done to this poor girl?

Finally, after what felt like forever, she began to regain some control over herself, and as she did, no longer needing Alice for support, she moved away from her, wiping away barren tears.

'You better go now, before she sees you.' Alice said, acknowledging me for the first time since Charlie left.

"Are you alright Bella?" Alice asked her.

"As much as I can be." she replied, heartbreak still on her tongue.

I went back into the house then, and into the dining room where everyone was waiting.

All their thoughts were a jumbled mess of regret, sympathy, sorrow, pain and anger. Most for Bella, but for me too.

I didn't want the sympathy, I didn't deserve it. But the anger, I welcomed that.

Alice and Bella walked into the dining room, Carlisle pulling out a seat "We need to talk Bella" he said to her as she sat down.

"I know, I saw Charlie here."

The conversation that ensued was a blur, my focus only on Bella. The strong but fragile girl that was slowly becoming the center of my world. Everything revolving around her, and as painful as that was, it was also something I knew I could not live without. I didn't understand it, I didn't need to, it just was.

Bella had become agitated at one point, Jasper calming her almost immediately. For the thousandth time I wished I could hear what she were thinking, to know anything that might better help me -help us, make things easier for her. She shouldn't have to feel anything more than she already does, it wasn't right, and certainly not fair.

Carlisle had just finished telling her all of the options we had come up with for her to permanently disappear. She didn't say anything, but was completely shocked. Then very confused. She didn't say or do anything, just an empty stare through her eyes, and then nothing.

If I didn't know for a fact that she was still physically in the room, I would have sworn on my life that she wasn't.

She was vacant of all emotion, perfectly silent in form, thought and feeling.

"Bella?" Jasper asked her "are you alright?" -What is going on? -I didn't answer.

Edward? - He tried again.

I couldn't respond, I didn't know either.

She opened her mouth, just barely, as if to say something, and having nothing come out. And then began to shaking her head in infinitesimal movements, back and forth as she looked around the room.

Then, finally, she crept back in "So this is what you've all come up with? These are the options I have? Fake my death, Fake my death or Fake my death?" She asked throwing her hands up.

Carlisle tried reasoning with her, explaining that this was the only way, we all had thought that she would at least have understood that, and he said as much to her.

She began to get angry again, somehow convincing herself that her disappearance would not have been permanent.

"…I thought you would have understood that." he finished saying to her. 

"Well I guess not!" She yelled at the room, stood up and began to walk away.

I couldn't help myself and I knew it was wrong , but I went to her. I wanted to comfort her, tell her everything would be o.k.

She had just reached outside the back door when I caught up to her, reaching out I grabbed her gently around the arm. I needed to tell her how sorry I was, I wanted her to know that I would do _Anything_ to take back what I had done to her, what I had caused.

"I'm so sorry Bella, please don't go, we can talk about this…"

I knew instantly that I had made a mistake. I knew I had no right to ever talk to her or touch her. I should have never thought, that of all people, I could help her, that she would have ever accepted anything of the kind from me. But the stabbing pain that came with her reaction I couldn't have guessed too.

She spun around so fast -ripping her arm out of my grasp, that I feared she may have hurt herself.

"Don't Touch ME!" she hissed at me.

The revulsion and fear in her eyes as she looked at me for the first time made me want to die.

She held her hands out in front of her, and warning -a barrier that I was never allowed to cross, as she stepped back from me.

"Don't you _EVER_ touch me!" she said again. The voice of a frightened victim addressing her attacker, her face giving way to that pain.

I was utterly disgusted with myself, Bella was absolutely terrified of me. I felt like I would be sick. As she turned to leave, heading into the forest, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, as if to hold her together.

'Oh God' was all the thought I could hear through the internal gasps of my family

"Bella wait" Alice said to her panicky.

"I'm not leaving Alice, I just need to be alone for awhile" Bella said to her without stopping or looking back.

"But your coming back right?" Alice didn't know. Bella's future was not solid, she couldn't see anything in regards to her.

Bella's responding words caused me to die just a little more inside.

"Where else do I have to go?"

**A/N – For those of you that don't know this is Edwards POV, Bella's POV is ****Completed**** and can be found on my page =) **

** And please leave a review, they are greatly appreciated! Thank you!**


	6. Chapter 12

***I want to remind everyone that there is DIRECT text and dialog in this story from all 4 of the books and movies!***

**Chapter 12 EPOV: Family**

"The only thing that I know for sure…" Alice was saying to all of us, but specifically looking at Jasper and myself "is that she is not wondering around town anywhere near population. So give it a rest!" She was very frustrated with all of us.

Of course we knew we could track Bella and find her in no time, but we also knew at the same time, that we could not. She needed time. Alone. And we would give it to her, provided she stayed away from people of the human variety. We wouldn't let her hurt anyone, or herself for that matter.

_BUT, _it didn't stop us from worrying, and it didn't stop us from planning our imaginary rescue to stop her if we needed too.

So, since Bella left, Alice had been given an onslaught of possible futures that were always changing with new theory's and reactions, just in time to shift and change again… She was getting a headache, if that was even possible, because we had been doing this to her non stop for hours. Fifty-six hours straight, to be exact.

Alice still couldn't get an exact fix on Bella's future; she was still very confused and undecided about everything. All we knew was that she was still here, somewhere, just wondering around in the Forks forest. She'd done not much more than that since leaving. She did hunt, which we were all very grateful for; it eased our tension just a little when she did.

But then, about eight hours ago, Bella seemed to begin back tracking herself, and going around in circles at the same time. She was slowly approaching the town, but more specifically, she was headed straight for her home.

By the way her pattern of movement was, we were certain she didn't realize this, but even so Alice had begun to check in on her more frequently. So with her doing that, and us berating her with our own idea's of what our future could bring, she was getting frustrated, which was why she was telling us to calm down.

A few hours later though, Bella had gotten to close for comfort and even then Alice had to admit it was time to intervene.

"She's still several miles away, but if she keeps up her exact point of directions, she'll be at Charlie's within the hour." She had told us.

We were discussing the best way to approach her when Alice jumped in again. "Jasper and Emmett will circle around east, Edward and I will come at the house straight on." she looked at us after saying.

"Rosalie, Esme. I think it would be best if someone were here, in case she should decides to come back." Carlisle addressed both of them "Do either of you mind staying back?"

"I'll stay." Rosalie answered him immediately, as to not concern herself with getting involved. With that she went and sat on the couch and began flipping through the channels on the television, paying us no more attention.

"I'll stay too." Esme answered Carlisle. "I don't want to frighten her with all of us being there, or just one of us being here." She smiled at him.

"Alright then, I'll follow further behind, staying in-between both places. I'd rather be at the house if she comes here, but if you need me, call. I'll be able to get to either place more quickly being in the middle."

Carlisle was running through several very real possibilities of what could come, none of which he was too eager to deal with. He had gotten his medical bag, planning to take it with him, just in case he needed it if he were to get called to the Swan residence. He was hoping he wouldn't need it at all, but also that he would be able to use it if he _should _need too.

Carlisle was also struggling with the possibility that he may have to save Bella's parents, Charlie and Renee, in a more unconventional way. He didn't want to, if he could help it at all, but he also didn't believe that he could just let them die. If absolutely necessary, he was considering the possibility of changing them, for Bella. If she couldn't control herself, and ended up attacking either, or both of her parents, he didn't want her to suffer. After everything else that she had been put through, he wouldn't want to add to it in anyway, and changing them he figured would be the lesser of two evils.

I tried not to react to his train of thought, but it was hard. He wouldn't even be having this internal, moral, debate if I hadn't set all this in motion to begin with.

We all left shortly after, dispatching in our separate directions. We were almost to the Swan house when Alice stopped suddenly spinning around towards me. I was lost in my own train of thought, thinking about what I had caused these last few days that I didn't realize she would be catching on.

"Your leaving?" she asked me, disbelief layered with sadness in her voice.

"Am I?" I countered. Having not made a finale decision yet.

She saw it then, the picture in her head growing more specific. An empty highway at night, the trees beside it coated in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.

We started walking again as I debated what her vision had shown me. I should leave, give Bella the space that she deserved. After what ha happened the other night, it was obvious my being around her was causing her even more pain.

"I'll miss you." Alice whispered as we continued to walk.

Where would I go? I wondered. I supposed I could go to Denali, the vision Alice had supported that idea. It would be far enough away, plenty of distance to give Bella the space she deserved. They wouldn't be put out by my presence -_no_, not _that_, I thought darkly as an image of Tanya sprung to my mind. With that I wavered a little; shying away from the exquisite image of the girl in Alaska, my decision splintering before it was even concrete.

I stopped abruptly, starring a hole in the back of Alice's head as she continued to walk, not wanting to look at me. "Alice." I choked. "_What _was that?"

"I don't know Edward." She said refusing to look at me. She locked her jaw, and I could tell there was more. She was trying not to think about it; she was focusing very hard on Jasper suddenly. She did this sometimes when she was trying to keep something from me.

"What Alice, what are you hiding?"

She shook her head, trying not to let me in.

"Is it about me leaving?" I asked. "Is it about the Swans?"

"Is it about Bella?" I demanded.

She had her teeth gritted in concentration, but when I spoke Bella's name she slipped. Her slip only lasted the tiniest portion of a second, but it was long enough, and she knew I had caught it.

"It's solidifying," She whispered. "Every minute your more decided." she turned then, to look at me.

"No." There was no volume to my denial. My legs felt hollow and I had to brace myself against a nearby tree.

"I have to leave." I whispered to her.

"I don't see you going anywhere Edward. Not now." she told me "I don't even know if you _can _leave anymore." _Think about it_ she added silently_ think about leaving._

I could see what she meant, this new future I'd apparently condemned us to. It was true, the thought of never seeing Bella again was …painful.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned, my head falling into my hands.

She sighed. _You are so blind Edward. Can't you see where you are headed? Where you already are? Where you've been since that first day in the clearing? You've already seen it, that's why you couldn't let her die. It's the reason you _had_ to save her._

I shook my head horrified. "No." I tried to shut her out. How could this be? How could this have happen? HOW did this happen?

_I love her too. _She thought.

"Love her too?" I whispered, incredulous.

_It's more inevitable that the sun rising in the east Edward._

"I'll leave. I don't have to follow that course. I will change the future." I have to, for her sake I have to! I screamed at myself.

"You can try." Alice said, her voice skeptical. "It will take an amazing about of strength and control, but you can try." she offered with doubt.

"The only thing you are not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause."

And with that she turned away from me, and continued her way towards the Swan house. I couldn't find my voice, I barely felt my legs as I stumbled after her.

Was Alice right? After everything that has happened, after everything that I have already put Bella through, would I continue to add to it? By falling in love with her? It seemed cruel, even for me, to condemn us to that fate. How dare I.

_She doesn't have to know _-the words slivered to the forefront of my mind. If Alice was right, and I was destined to fall in love with a girl who hates me -and for good reason, I could still spare her, she would never have to know. She should never be allowed to know that this sick, masochistic monster, who not only took her life, her future and everything she loved away from her -was also _in love _with her.

I could try to stop myself; I _will_ stop myself and change the outcome before it's too late.

But if I should fail, she wouldn't ever have to know.

Alice didn't acknowledge me as I finally reached her outside of the Swan house. We had been outside of the home for just over thirteen minutes when Alice had another vision; Bella would be here soon. She whispered to Jasper and Emmett to be ready, but not to approach her until absolutely necessary.

I called Carlisle and told him what Alice had seen. He moved closer to our location, but still planned on staying back unless he was needed.

_Focus Edward! _Alice yelled at me. It was hard, with all this new information in my head, I kept going back over everything Alice had said to me, but she was right, now was not the time. Bella needed me, -_us_, Bella needed _us_ to watch over her right now, protect her from herself.

She came through the trees, between both groups when she looked up in surprise. Realization flashed across her face quickly as she didn't hesitate to walk up to the small house. I was momentarily worried that she was headed for the door when she turned and instead went to the window.

We stood and watched her stare through the window for forty minutes.

The phone rang, Charlie finally answering on the third ring, breaking the long stretch of silence we had all shared. He had a brief conversation with whomever was on the phone, then went back to silence.

A half hour later Bella's mother Renee pulled into the drive. She was carrying a bag, of what I assumed was supposed to be dinner by the smell of it, and went into the house.

Instantly I was worried again, Bella didn't know that her mother was here. We didn't think to tell her with everything else that had been going on.

Renee walked into the living room, set down the food and threw something on the table- car keys, then sat on the couch and joined in with the theme of the night; silence.

Renee's thoughts I could read, they were different, she had an interesting outlook on life, saw things differently than most. Her and Charlie both had had a hard day. Charlie had organized search parties to comb through the surrounding area. Bella's truck was nowhere to be found -no where close to any points in which she could have gotten lost in the woods, so it was a long shot that they would find anything in the forest, but they tried just the same.

Today however, after non stop searching for nearly seven days all teams, rotation schedules and search parties had been dispatched. It was a call that Charlie himself had to make, finally accepting the fact the his daughter was not lost in the wilderness.

A few minutes later Renee finally broke the absence of sound "You need to try and eat something Charlie, you're no good to anyone weak."

Her request probably would have weighted better had he not just called off search and rescue parties that would have require him to have enough energy to keep up, but he gave into her request any.

They both picked at the food for awhile, taking bites here and there, when Renee, giving up finally, threw it away.

Hours had passed when Renee spoke again "Why do you still have these pictures here Charlie?" She asked after stopping in front of the fireplace.

She picked up a photo, one of her Charlie and an infant Bella "She was a beautiful baby" she said smiling at the tiny image, before bringing the photograph to her face to kiss as she began to cry.

Bella, mirroring her mothers movements, covered her mouth and began to weep with her.

I could hear Charlie get up from his chair as he moved across the room, he and Renee held each other as she cried, allowing only a few tears to escape down his face.

Bella, turning quietly, placing her back against the wall, slid down the house before slumping over her knees and covering her head with her arms. I followed her, lowering myself to my knees, clenching my fists and locking my jaw as I forced myself to witness, yet again, the pain I had caused.

It was torture, had I been human I'm sure it would have killed me.

After some time, Renee finally excused herself to bed. She'd brought down Charlie's bedding; he was sleeping on the couch, when she reminded him "and don't forget to shut that window."

We all tensed, ready to jump into action when Bella began gasping and covering her mouth. How had we not known? How could we have been so careless!

A few seconds later, Bella deeply inhaled the tainted air, and I began to move closer when Alice grabbed me by the arm. I turned to glare at her when she pleaded with me _'wait' _she said nodding towards the house.

I looked back to find Bella smiling. She was taking heavy inhales and laughing quietly to herself while doing it. I was worried that from all the heartache and drama, she may have lost her mind.

Something in my expression must have given way to my thoughts because Alice rolled her eyes at me _'Don't be ridiculous!' _she said before moving to meet up with Bella.

(11/19/10)

**A/N – For those of you that don't know this is Edwards POV, Bella's POV is ****Completed**** and can be found on my page =) **

** And please leave a review, they are greatly appreciated! Thank you!**


	7. Chapter 13

Bella ran over to where Alice and I were waiting for her, a huge smile upon her face. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"We came when I saw that you were coming here, we wanted to make sure that you were alright, that you didn't do anything rash."

"You were following me?" She accused. It was absolutely true, even more so that she knew, but Alice played it down to her anyway.

"No Bella, not really" she said unconvincingly "Emmett and Jasper came too."

Bella followed Alice's gaze and found both of my brothers on the other side of the house. Emmett, casual as ever, started waving and smiling at her like a school yard friend. Bella smiled back, rolled her eyes then looked back to Alice. _Ha ha, she likes me_ Emmett said to himself while giving Jasper a nudging elbow and a head nod, indicating to him to meet up with us.

"Well it was completely unnecessary, I'm not the crazed lunatic you all seem to think I am."

Her reactions and what she said always surprised me, so I _shouldn't _have been surprised that she wasn't angry or upset that we had followed her, but I was. She was excited, and _that_ was surprising to me and the rest of my siblings, you could hear it in her voice, see it on her face, again we were all curious about this creature that was in our lives.

"Bella, we don't think th…" Alice was going to try and explain herself and us, but Bella cut her off.

"Alice, I don't care right now, I've made my decision. Let's go" she moved forward, all of us following.

"Bella, you can't be serious!" This is the first thing that Rosalie had ever directly said to Bella and I had to keep a hold of my own reflexes to not snap back at Rosalie. How dare her use that tone of voice with her, she has no right speaking to Bella that way.

"I am completely serious! You said that the final decision was up to me and you would go along with whatever I decided" Bella was holding her own, she looked around the room accusingly at the whole of us, she was right and everyone here knew it "Well, I've decided."

"Bella, sweetheart, this isn't what we meant. I don't see how this can work." Esme was trying her hand at talking Bella out of her decision.

"Bella, I agree, this isn't a possibility. We can not go along with this." Carlisle was both shocked and confused by her decision. She was surprising us all -all the time.

"You don't have to go along with it, none of you do. But I've made up my mind." Bella voice was strong and steady, her emotions the epitome of calm; she was confident in her choice. "I'm going home." She informed us all.

"This is ridiculous Bella, just because you were able to control yourself outside of the house for a couple of hours doesn't mean you have to ability to live in the same house with them!" Jasper was standing up and leaning on the table towards her. I knew he wouldn't hurt her, but his posture made me very uneasy at the moment. _Settle down, I'm just trying to convince her that this is the wrong idea Edward._

"And how do you know Jasper, you were all so convinced that once I came into contact with a human that I wouldn't be able to control myself at all. But I did." Bella, still very sure of herself, stood up a mirrored Jasper.

"It's not the same. Being in the same house with them, the same room, day after day, it's completely different Bella" Emmett was trying to reason with her now.

_Their wasting their breath, she's not going to change her mind_. Alice was showing me what she meant when Bella's next sentence caught me off guard.

"Fine. Then lets go to Seattle and get me around some other humans. We can all go." I was all for her including me in her plans, but not this.

"What? No Bella we are not doing that."

"Why not?" she asked in response but still looked to Jasper. She must have realized on some level that he was the authority figure on this. Jasper had extensive experience with newborns.

"You want to go to Seattle and risk the lives of others to test out your theory? You would be willing to sacrifice the lives of innocent people?" This was shocking to him, he already considered Bella a reasonable and level headed person, and for her to suggest this was baffling to him.

"No" She looked him square in the eyes, emanating confidence "because there's not going to be a sacrifice. I can do this, nobody's going to get hurt."

"I know that you believe that Bella, your radiating confidence, I just...I don't know..." _I can't figure her out, she's different from the rest..._"Alice?" _She has to see something..._

Alice was smiling at him, rubbing his back as she shrugged her shoulders. _We're doing this her way, there's no getting around it._

"You don't see anything?" Carlisle asked her when she didn't speak out loud.

_Well, I wouldn't say that._ She looked at me, there was a double meaning in there somewhere but I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips, I saw all too clearly from Alice that this was a losing battle for anyone who was not on Bella's team.

"You're very stubborn aren't you." I looked right at her and couldn't help but smile at her, her resolution was endearing.

"Alice, do you see anything?" Carlisle tried to get a response again. _One of you needs to answer me. _And I was going to but just then realized that Bella didn't have a clue about any of our extra abilities.

"What does that mean?" She asked confused.

"Bella, some of our kind have abilities. I, for example, can see the future." Alice explained to her with a very satisfied tone.

"Of course you can, because this wasn't weird enough already." I laughed again, I couldn't help it, luckily I wasn't alone this time so she didn't pay much attention.

"So all of you have these...abilities?"

"No, not all of us. We all bring something with us to this life from our human one's. Some times these things come more powerfully that others. Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme her love. Rosalie her beauty and Emmett is strength." Emmett smiled at her and then flexed his muscle's, I rolled my eyes.

"What does Jasper and..." I held my breath...

"Jasper" Alice, noticing her inability to continue her sentence, cut in "is uniquely in tuned with people's emotions. He can feel what people are feeling and guide them if they need it, calm them down."

"And you've done this with me, I'm assuming."

"Yes, a couple of time's" he answered her in his calmest voice, which in itself had the ability to calm those around him.

"And Edward here" Alice continued to explain "he can read people's minds."

Just then Bella's breath caught, she was completely shocked and abashed.

I quickly assured her "I can hear everyone's thoughts in this room, apart from yours." Jasper began to calm her, a demonstration that she was visibly grateful for.

"Why?" Bella asked as she looked down at the table. I was elated, she asked _me_, not Jasper, not Alice or Carlisle, _me_. It shouldn't have made me as happy as it did, she had clearly hesitated and didn't want to ask, but I couldn't help but feel lucky.

"I have no idea, you're the only one I've never been able to read." I tried to keep my voice calm, but I knew I failed when all the silent chatter filled my head.

_Idiot._

_Kids got it bad._

_Geesh, settle down, she only asked a question._

_I wonder what that is all about?_

It was quiet for a few moments while we let Bella think all this through. Alice was still getting flashes, but nothing that suggested that Bella or us would fail. It wasn't concrete, there were still too many undecided choices left to be made, but as far as Alice, Bella and I were concerned she would succeed in her quest.

"So...Alice, what do you see then? As far as my plan goes?"

"I don't see any problems Bella, that's why Edward thinks you are stubborn, once you've made up your mind, I don't think anything can stop you."

"Alice, you're not suggesting..." Jasper's was getting frustrated again with this _"ludicrous"_ idea.

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting, she's different, she's proven that, we have to at least let her try." Alice cut him off, and placed a hand on his arm, trying to calm him this time.

"She hasn't proven anything." Rosalie sneered. I could tell this was something more than concern, she was hiding something from me, but her words were beginning to give her away.

"Any other newborn would have never been able to sit outside that window, Rose, Carlisle -and you know it. Let us just try, we can go to Seattle, I'll take full responsibility." Alice was just as confident, if not more than Bella now.

"I don't know Alice." Carlisle was not convinced. They all knew better when it came to Alice, but this was something new and in his eyes could result in a loss of life, it wasn't easy for him to accept so easily. _Edward, I believe in Alice, of course you know I do, but is this wise?_

I smiled at him, reassuringly "You'll never catch _me _betting against Alice."


End file.
